FIGHT ME!!

Nobody wants to challenge me in Advance Wars!! I've been going around college asking those guys who play the game if I can VS them, but...

"You introduced the game to me! You're obviously leagues ahead of me!"

OBJECTION!!

Just because I introduced to you the game doesn't mean I'm a better player. You could easily be a better strategist than me. After all, I divide my attention to other games too and I'm not THAT good at strategy games!

"You whooshed through the whole game without any problems until the final stage! You're obviously way too good!"

OBJECTION!!

The very fact that I could not complete the whole campaign mode without losing once proves that I'm not that good at all!

"Yeah well, I lost at *insert level here* already!"

OBJECTION!!

I was lucky! And persistent! If you don't yield, sometimes, the AI is stupid enough to retreat even though they have the advantage.

"You vs 3 allied AI and WON!! How the hell do I compare to that!?"

OBJECTION!!

Read reason above! Luck! Persistence! Stupid AIs!! They don't compare to even 1 human player.

"You fight yourself all the time! And you still win!"

OBJECTION!!

Isn't that perfectly logical?! I'd have to win or lose up to some point!

"No, you don't! The game should go on forever if you challenge yourself! If you win, it means you have room for improvement and have seen all the flaws in each strategy!!"

OBJECTION!!

Who came up with that logic!? Besides, those are MY plans! Who knows? You might have a completely different and brilliant strategy which I have never thought of!

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OK, fine, I get it!! Nobody believes that I'm an equal match, so how 'bout this? You get two armies and I get one. How's that?! But...

"It scares me even more that you can play with handicaps!"

OBJECTION!!

I doubt I'll win, but since you don't believe that you can win against me on leveled ground, I'll give you an excessive advantage! Then, from there, I'll prove that I can't match up to you. Besides, I'm willing to do anything just to get an opponent.

"I've seen you play against 2 or more opponents before!"

OBJECTION!!

Yeah? When? And make sure that you're talking about human opponents and not AI because if it's AI, read the explanation about stupid AIs. And I've never faced a human opponent before, except my best friend who totally owned me in 15 days.

"Your best friend introduced you to the game! And he beat you! That'll probably happen to us too if we fight you!"

OBJECTION!!

I lost to him because he challenged me right off the bat. Before that match, I've only played once, with him as an ally! Basically, when I fought him, the only things I knew were "tanks beat infantry, Mid-tanks beat tanks, Neotanks beat Mid-tanks and Megatanks beat Neotanks." Now, I challenge people who already know what each unit can do and have a certain level of experience in using those units! Besides, how is it that me losing to him equals you losing to me!?

"15 DAYS!!?? You lasted 15 days in your second match and it was against a veteran player!? With almost zero knowledge of how each unit works!? I am definitely not playing against someone like you!"

OBJECTION!!

HELLO!!! Can you beat an opponent on a deployment map in less than 10 days!? Besides, his strategy was the "elephant army tactics". So, it takes him some time to build enough units to swarm! And I KNOW how to create units like infantry just to buy time before I lose.

"Anyway, it's unfair that I face you with 2 armies while you only have 1."

OBJECTION!!

WHAT!!?? First you say I'm too powerful for you to fight on equal grounds, and now you say that it's unfair because I'm offering handicaps!? Sit down now, and decide!! I have complete confidence in myself no matter what you choose! ...Oh shit!

"Ahah!! I heard what you just said. I'm definitely never playing against you!"

HOLD IT!!

NO!!!!! I didn't mean it that way! WAAAAIIIITTTT!!!!!!

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*sigh* Everybody has no spirit of combat. Isn't that a mandatory requirement for a CO? SOMEBODY VS ME!!!! I need an opponent!!! Fine, I'll wait till the next time I see my best friend, then I'll have an opponent!!