A GREAT Week of Meeting Devoted Christians

NO, this AIN'T one of those I-hate-Christians posts. I ain't gonna try convincing y'all that Christianity sucks or anything. In fact, it doesn't. Just that some of the worshipers suck! The following are some examples of these annoying ones. After meeting them (all within one week), I LOVE Christianity alright... I just LOVE them.
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This happened during a week in May 2005.

Monday (exact date unstated)

(It was about 7pm in the evening, and a lovely evening it has been, not that I really cared anyway. I was walking back from the park behind me house after a quick jog. I have to keep in shape to keep up with the other Scouts, after all. Suddenly, some random guy in the park walks up to me.)

Jogger: Hello, boy. Do you have some free time? Would you please listen to what I have to say?

Me: (Suspicious) Uhh... sure. Okay...
(I glanced around and saw quite a number of people around. Some in the tabble-tennis court, some in the tennis court, some jogging. And they can all see us quite clearly. He wouldn't try anything in a place like this, right?)

Jogger: Do you know what Heaven is like?

Me: Nice dead people go up there...

Jogger: That is partly true. But, there is something else that you have to do to get up there. You have to be a Christian.

Me: (Losing interest) Oh... Okay. But I'm not interested in...

Jogger: What? How can you not be interested in going to heaven? Heaven is such a wonderful place. If you go up there... (blah blah blah)

(I don't really remember what he said, but it's just a looooong, boring lecture about how... uh... heavenly Heaven is.)

Me: (Impatient) Eh... uncle... Sorry but it's getting late. My mom will scold me. I have to go liao.
Jogger: Oh, sorry for taking up your time. But, remember that God will bless you. So, go home and think about it. Tell your family and friends also.

(I already left.)
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Thursday (same week)

(I was waiting outside TanMart for my mom to finish buying her stuff. Then, some guy walk up to me.)

Guy: Hey, boy! Do you know how to go to Heaven?

Me: Yeah. But, I'm not interested.

Guy: Then, do you know how to go to Hell?

Me: Oi, uncle! I...!

Guy: Sorry ah... Didn't mean it that way. But, I'm sure you don't want to go to Hell, right? So, let me tell you the way to make sure you don't go to Hell...

Me: I've heard about it from somebody else already, uncle.

Guy: (Wasn't listening) ...is to follow the teachings of the Lord. Let me tell you about the Lord, boy...

(Another loooooooong lecture on Christianity. Why can't God or whatever just come down and get him now?! Then, I saw my mom coming.)

Me: My mom come already. Sorry, uncle. Have to go.
Guy: Ask your mom to listen also lah.

(Cabut!)
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Saturday (Still same week!)

(I went to Gurney Plaza. Yay! Check out video games and books. I walked past the Religion section. And you guessed it, another bastard came walking to me. He was holding a damn Bible or something like that. It was a Chinese version by the way and the bastard spoke Hokkien.)

Bastard: Ay, boy! You want to go to Heaven or not?

Me: (Thinking) Oh... shit! Another one!?

Bastard: If you want to go to Heaven, then pray to Jesus and God and you shall be forgiven of all your sins (something like that.).

Me: Look, uncle! Two other uncles have already told me a lot about going to Heaven and stuff like that. I'm not interested! So, I don't want to listen.

Bastard: See, boy? The Lord is showing you a sign. He has sent three people to enlighten you. He is offering you a chance to be forgiven of all your sins. You have been given so many chances, more than most of us. So, start praying, boy. Pray to...

Me: (thinking) Yeah, I see the damn sign! I'm a destined atheist! (stop the bastard in mid-sentence) Look, I'll think about it, alright? So, just let me go now.

Bastard: Smart boy! May the Lord... (whatever he said, I wasn't listening)

(Outta there!)
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And that was it! Three encounters with the "Messenger of God". I am such a LUCKY guy! REALLY, REALLY LUCKY!!

Now, here's something to all you preachers out there!

Get the hell away from me!

Note: Just in case some people don't understand, the words in capital represent sarcasm.